We first watched the locker room scene close to the end of the movie where Coach Gaines explains to his team what he means by “perfect.” He doesn’t believe it necessarily means winning. He says it means having the ability to look friends and family in the eye with the knowledge that you did everything possible, with a sense of love and joy. He believes having that clear conscience makes you perfect.
We then discussed the following questions:
• Do you agree with Coach Gaines’ definition of perfection? Why or why not?
• Where have you seen people in our society obsessed with perfection? (school, sports, business...)What kinds of things get labeled “perfect” (fashion related stuff, models, athletic accomplishments...)?
• Do you feel any pressure to be perfect? If so, in what area? How does this pressure affect you?
Read aloud Matthew 5:43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor[h] and hate your enemy.' 44But I tell you: Love your enemies[i] and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
• Is Jesus’ command to be perfect like him impossible? Why or why not?
• What does he mean by being “perfect”? What advice does he give for becoming perfect?
• Are you trying to live out his advice in your own life? Why or why not? In what ways would it change your life if you tried to live out his advice?
• Why should we strive for perfection regardless of how hard it is? In what one area of your life, will you commit to strive for perfection?
• What's your definition of "grace"? (forgiveness, God's love, A gift from god that we receive when we should receive punishment.)
• Besides forgiveness, in what other ways does God show his grace? How have you seen grace given in someone else's life?
• In what ways have you experienced God's grace personally? Are you aware of God's grace every day? If not, what would help you increase your awareness?
We then did an object lesson dividing groups up and one group having to read some scripture through the bottom of drinking glasses.
Each group read Luke 7:36-50 . Those in Group #1 read with a drinking glass with the top of the glass down on the page—their job was to write what they imagined Simon was thinking as he watched the woman anoint Jesus. Those in Group #2 wrote what they imagined Jesus was thinking while the woman anointed him. And those in Group #3 wrote what the woman was thinking as she anointed Jesus.
Luke 7:36-50 (from the Message)- 36-39One of the Pharisees asked him over for a meal. He went to the Pharisee's house and sat down at the dinner table. Just then a woman of the village, the town harlot, having learned that Jesus was a guest in the home of the Pharisee, came with a bottle of very expensive perfume and stood at his feet, weeping, raining tears on his feet. Letting down her hair, she dried his feet, kissed them, and anointed them with the perfume. When the Pharisee who had invited him saw this, he said to himself, "If this man was the prophet I thought he was, he would have known what kind of woman this is who is falling all over him."
40Jesus said to him, "Simon, I have something to tell you." "Oh? Tell me." 41-42"Two men were in debt to a banker. One owed five hundred silver pieces, the other fifty. Neither of them could pay up, and so the banker canceled both debts. Which of the two would be more grateful?" 43-47Simon answered, "I suppose the one who was forgiven the most."
"That's right," said Jesus. Then turning to the woman, but speaking to Simon, he said, "Do you see this woman? I came to your home; you provided no water for my feet, but she rained tears on my feet and dried them with her hair. You gave me no greeting, but from the time I arrived she hasn't quit kissing my feet. You provided nothing for freshening up, but she has soothed my feet with perfume. Impressive, isn't it? She was forgiven many, many sins, and so she is very, very grateful. If the forgiveness is minimal, the gratitude is minimal."
48Then he spoke to her: "I forgive your sins." 49That set the dinner guests talking behind his back: "Who does he think he is, forgiving sins!" 50He ignored them and said to the woman, "Your faith has saved you. Go in peace."
The groups then shared what they thought and were then asked:
What’s the difference between the three accounts of the same incident?
Why do Simon and Jesus react differently?
(Maybe touch on why we may think it weird for what the woman did to Christ’s feet, it WAS CHRIST, so who is to say how we would act or have acted in such an encounter.)
Those in Group #1 were asked:
What was it like to read the passage through the glass?
How is that like the way Simon saw the woman in the story (unclear, kind of skewed/not focused)?
Simon was a Pharisee who thought he had to obey the law to please God. When he looked at the woman, he saw a sinner. It was as if he saw things distorted like through the drinking glass and that shifted his perspective toward condemnation. Jesus saw the woman for who she was, received her worship, and freely gave her forgiveness. The woman knew that she needed Jesus’ grace, and didn’t push it away.
We then talked about the following:
For some of us, it’s very difficult to receive grace—why is that?
What are the “glasses” we need to get rid of before we can receive the grace that God gives us in Jesus?
Like last week we had verses on grace and forgiveness for everyone to read out loud to get a firm grasp on how we are forgiven, and how we can be perfected through Christ.
Psalm 103:1-3- 1 Praise the LORD, O my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. Praise the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases,
Matthew 5:23-24- 23So if you are about to place your gift on the altar and remember that someone is angry with you, 24leave your gift there in front of the altar. Make peace with that person, then come back and offer your gift to God.
Matthew 18:23-35- 23-25"The kingdom of God is like a king who decided to square accounts with his servants. As he got under way, one servant was brought before him who had run up a debt of a hundred thousand dollars. He couldn't pay up, so the king ordered the man, along with his wife, children, and goods, to be auctioned off at the slave market.
"The poor wretch threw himself at the king's feet and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' Touched by his plea, the king let him off, erasing the debt. "The servant was no sooner out of the room when he came upon one of his fellow servants who owed him ten dollars. He seized him by the throat and demanded, 'Pay up. Now!'
"The poor wretch threw himself down and begged, 'Give me a chance and I'll pay it all back.' But he wouldn't do it. He had him arrested and put in jail until the debt was paid. When the other servants saw this going on, they were outraged and brought a detailed report to the king.
"The king summoned the man and said, 'You evil servant! I forgave your entire debt when you begged me for mercy. Shouldn't you be compelled to be merciful to your fellow servant who asked for mercy?' The king was furious and put the screws to the man until he paid back his entire debt. And that's exactly what my Father in heaven is going to do to each one of you who doesn't forgive unconditionally anyone who asks for mercy."
Colossians 1:13-14- 13God rescued us from the dark power of Satan and brought us into the kingdom of his dear Son, who forgives our sins and sets us free.
1 John 1:9- But if we confess our sins to God, he can always be trusted to forgive us and take our sins away.
Romans 7:15-25- 14-16I can anticipate the response that is coming: "I know that all God's commands are spiritual, but I'm not. Isn't this also your experience?" Yes. I'm full of myself—after all, I've spent a long time in sin's prison. What I don't understand about myself is that I decide one way, but then I act another, doing things I absolutely despise. So if I can't be trusted to figure out what is best for myself and then do it, it becomes obvious that God's command is necessary.
But I need something more! For if I know the law but still can't keep it, and if the power of sin within me keeps sabotaging my best intentions, I obviously need help! I realize that I don't have what it takes. I can will it, but I can't do it. I decide to do good, but I don't really do it; I decide not to do bad, but then I do it anyway. My decisions, such as they are, don't result in actions. Something has gone wrong deep within me and gets the better of me every time.
It happens so regularly that it's predictable. The moment I decide to do good, sin is there to trip me up. I truly delight in God's commands, but it's pretty obvious that not all of me joins in that delight. Parts of me covertly rebel, and just when I least expect it, they take charge.
I've tried everything and nothing helps. I'm at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn't that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
Romans 8:1-2- 1If you belong to Christ Jesus, you won't be punished. 2The Holy Spirit will give you life that comes from Christ Jesus and will set you [a] free from sin and death.
Ephesians 2:4-6- It wasn't so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesn't know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. It's a wonder God didn't lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, he embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on his own, with no help from us! Then he picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.
Closing: The grace and forgiveness of Christ compared to the activity of throwing the q-tips the week before, would have closed the distance between the throwers and the 'mark...aka God.' Therefore, it would be much easier to hit their mark. Also, the last week we talked about sin, and now this week we have talked about perfection, and what that means to Christ, and how we can become perfect because of the grace that God has given us, a grace that was there before any of us were born and before we ever sinned. Before any of that, we were already forgiven. In accepting this gift of grace, there is work that we must do to live like people who have been forgiven and that are striving for perfection in Christ and not the world.
We will achieve perfection when we get to Heaven because of Christ. As Coach Gaines said about perfection: it means having the ability to look friends and family in the eye with the knowledge that you did everything possible, with a sense of love and joy. He believes having that clear conscience makes you perfect. That can also apply to us having the ability to look Christ in the eye with the knowledge that we did everything possible, with a sense of love and joy and that we have a clear conscience. Accepting grace allows that to happen.
We closed by having them QUIETLY go into the designated ‘prayer room’. We asked them to take the prayer time as a time of confession, a time of asking forgiveness, a time to be filled with Love from God to be shared with others, a time to do what it takes to strive for perfection.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
Friday Night Lights Bible Study on Sin 9-28-08
Before the lesson, everyone received q-tips in which they had a mark/target of a small Styrofoam cup that was about half the distance of the basketball court away from them. The objective was to throw the q-tip into the cup. None made it. We did it again with the group much closer, but still no one hit the mark. The distance between them and the 'mark...aka God' was sin.
We opened with the scene at 1:02 where Mike and Coach Gaines are in the car together after the game and Mike talks about feeling cursed, no matter how good or bad he is. Coach Gaines talks about how people dig their own holes in life.
So what are your thoughts on that scene between Mike and Coach Gaines? Do any of you feel that way? That you are surrounded by the things that Mike mentioned? How is that like Sin?
First off, what is sin?
A definition of sin that I found:
The Hebrew and Greek words translated "sin" throughout the Bible revolve largely around two major concepts. The first is that of transgression. To transgress means "to step across" or "to go beyond a set boundary or limit." This concept can be compared to an athletic playing field with lines delineating the boundaries within which the game is played. When a player crosses over those boundary lines, he has committed a "transgression" and gone out of bounds. Limits are set that define the playing area, and the players are to stay within the limits of that area.
Most of the other words translated "sin" in the Bible involve a second concept, "to miss the mark." Again, to use a sports analogy, if a player aims for the goal and misses, how many points does he get? None. He missed the goal, missed the mark at which he was aiming.
This view of sin includes the concept of our going in one direction but straying off course to the side and not continuing in the direction we intended to go, with the result that we don't reach the goal we intended. We miss.
This concept also encompasses the idea of failing to measure up to a standard. For example, most academic courses and tests are graded or judged according to a minimum standard. If we don't meet that standard, we fail that test or course. A minimum level of performance is expected, and anything less than that standard is failure. By not meeting that standard, we "miss the mark" and don't pass. We can miss the mark by either missing the goal at which we were aiming or by falling short of that goal. In either situation we fail to reach the mark set for us.
The the group heard the following true illustration:
In Aachen, Germany, police were forced to break up a fight between a husband and wife when the husband, who was seeking an encounter with a prostitute, discovered his wife moonlighting—as a prostitute.
Police didn’t report who was more surprised or dismayed: the husband or the wife.
We discussed the following:
The husband was seeking to commit adultery. The wife was prostituting herself. Both were deeply involved in sin.
Which of them was guilty of committing the “greater” sin? Why do you think that?
Not all sin is as blatant as prostitution or adultery, but all sin, no matter how small, is destructive to our relationship with Christ.
How many of you in here sin? When you think of the sins you tend to commit regularly, is it hard to think of these as destructive? Why or why not? What are some sins that we as a society commit that we tend to be ok with and justify, and how do we justify them?
We discussed that it is easier to point out the specks in other people's eyes rather than notice the plank in our own. That as a society we seem to condone things like war, abundance of wealth without giving to God, etc.
We then discussed if there are always victims with sin.
We then passed out the following verses on sin, although there are plenty more verses about Sin in the Bible, as well as rules/laws/commandments/examples that God has given us to live by. The verses are at the end.
Sin is essentially falling short of what God wants us to do. We sin by doing things that don’t please God, and we sin by not doing things that God wants us to do. Let’s see what the Bible says about this: ( Deuteronomy 25:16; Ephesians 2:1-3; James 1:14-15; 4:17; 1 John 3:4; 5:17 ).
All people in every age have sinned. Because of the sin nature introduced by Adam and Eve, without God’s help no human is able to refrain from sinning. Let’s see what the Bible says about this (See Genesis 3:1-13; 1 Kings 8:46; Job 14:4; Ecclesiastes 7:20; Isaiah 53:6; Romans 3:10-12, 23; 5:12; 1 John 1:8 .)
Sin causes both physical and spiritual death. God’s standard is perfection, and with one single sin we’ve lost all possibility of being perfect. Therefore, we’re cut off from God and destined for spiritual and physical destruction. Let’s see what the Bible says about this (See Genesis 2:17; Isaiah 57:20-21; 59:2; Matthew 5:48; Romans 6:23; Galatians 6:7-8 .)
This was shared from the above of what I found on some definitions of sin:
Both of the concepts that we mentioned earlier, transgressing and missing the mark, involve a basic requirement. If we transgress, which means to cross over a set boundary or limit, then we must have a boundary or limit to cross over. If we miss the mark, we must have a mark, target or standard to miss. Sin, then, is to transgress those boundaries that God has set for us or to miss the target He set for us.
This is where the biblical definitions of sin become important, because these scriptures define the boundaries and standards God set for us. They define the playing field on which we are to live our lives. They also define the goal we are to aim for, the minimum standard we are expected to meet. In other words, the biblical definitions of sin show us the standards God has given us that define what is acceptable to Him and what isn't acceptable. They show us what measures up and what falls short of those standards, the fundamental principles God has given us to live by.
The definitions of sin in the Bible are not simply arbitrary dos and don'ts. Instead, they show us the way God lives. They show the spiritual principles by which He lives, the same standard of conduct He expects His human creations to live by.
So this hasn’t been the most uplifting discussion, and study, but it is important that we address sin and missing the mark. That mark being a life of following Christ. As Mike said in the clip, we are cursed by sin, and we are going to lose. We just can’t win. Sin is something hanging over us always. And as Coach Gaines said: Our only curses are the ones that are self imposed and that we dig our own holes. It is all of our fault for falling into temptation with our decisions in using our free will.
Let’s think about all of that for this week, but know that next week we are going to talk about the Grace that Christ has given us, and the remedy that it is over this curse of sin. Close in prayer then pass out the little target reminders to each of them as a way to remember what we talked about.
Deuteronomy 25:16- But the LORD is disgusted with anyone who cheats or is dishonest.
Ephesians 2:1-3- 1In the past you were dead because you sinned and fought against God. 2You followed the ways of this world and obeyed the devil. He rules the world, and his spirit has power over everyone who doesn't obey God. 3Once we were also ruled by the selfish desires of our bodies and minds. We had made God angry, and we were going to be punished like everyone else.
James 1:14-15- We are tempted by our own desires that drag us off and trap us. 15Our desires make us sin, and when sin is finished with us, it leaves us dead.
James 4:17- If you don't do what you know is right, you have sinned.
1 John 3:4- Everyone who sins breaks God's law, because sin is the same as breaking God's law.
Genesis 3:1-13- The serpent was clever, more clever than any wild animal GOD had made. He spoke to the Woman: "Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?" 2-3 The Woman said to the serpent, "Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It's only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, 'Don't eat from it; don't even touch it or you'll die.'" 4-5 The serpent told the Woman, "You won't die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you'll see what's really going on. You'll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil." 6 When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she'd know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate. 7 Immediately the two of them did "see what's really going on"—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves. 8 When they heard the sound of GOD strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from GOD. 9 GOD called to the Man: "Where are you?" 10 He said, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid." 11 GOD said, "Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?" 12 The Man said, "The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it." GOD said to the Woman, "What is this that you've done?" 13 "The serpent seduced me," she said, "and I ate."
1 Kings 8:46- (talking about enemies) When they sin against you—and they certainly will; there's no one without sin!
Job 14:4- There's no way a human can be completely pure.
Ecclesiastes 7:20- There's not one totally good person on earth, not one who is truly pure and sinless.
Isaiah 53:6- We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. We've all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him. (prophesying the Messiah, who is the ‘Him’)
Romans 3:10-12- Basically, all of us, whether insiders or outsiders, start out in identical conditions, which is to say that we all start out as sinners. Scripture leaves no doubt about it: There's nobody living right, not even one, nobody who knows the score, nobody alert for God. They've all taken the wrong turn; they've all wandered down blind alleys. No one's living right; I can't find a single one.
Romans 3:23- All of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory.
Romans 5:12- You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we're in— first sin, then death, and no one exempt from either sin or death.
1 John 1:8- If we say that we have not sinned, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth isn't in our hearts.
Genesis 2:17- GOD commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead."
Isaiah 57:20-21- The wicked are a restless sea tossing up mud. But I, the LORD, have promised that none who are evil will live in peace.
Isaiah 59:2- There's nothing wrong with God; the wrong is in you. Your wrongheaded lives caused the split between you and God. Your sins got between you so that he doesn't hear.
Matthew 5:48- Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Romans 6:23- Work hard for sin your whole life and your pension is death.
Galatians 6:7-8- Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
We opened with the scene at 1:02 where Mike and Coach Gaines are in the car together after the game and Mike talks about feeling cursed, no matter how good or bad he is. Coach Gaines talks about how people dig their own holes in life.
So what are your thoughts on that scene between Mike and Coach Gaines? Do any of you feel that way? That you are surrounded by the things that Mike mentioned? How is that like Sin?
First off, what is sin?
A definition of sin that I found:
The Hebrew and Greek words translated "sin" throughout the Bible revolve largely around two major concepts. The first is that of transgression. To transgress means "to step across" or "to go beyond a set boundary or limit." This concept can be compared to an athletic playing field with lines delineating the boundaries within which the game is played. When a player crosses over those boundary lines, he has committed a "transgression" and gone out of bounds. Limits are set that define the playing area, and the players are to stay within the limits of that area.
Most of the other words translated "sin" in the Bible involve a second concept, "to miss the mark." Again, to use a sports analogy, if a player aims for the goal and misses, how many points does he get? None. He missed the goal, missed the mark at which he was aiming.
This view of sin includes the concept of our going in one direction but straying off course to the side and not continuing in the direction we intended to go, with the result that we don't reach the goal we intended. We miss.
This concept also encompasses the idea of failing to measure up to a standard. For example, most academic courses and tests are graded or judged according to a minimum standard. If we don't meet that standard, we fail that test or course. A minimum level of performance is expected, and anything less than that standard is failure. By not meeting that standard, we "miss the mark" and don't pass. We can miss the mark by either missing the goal at which we were aiming or by falling short of that goal. In either situation we fail to reach the mark set for us.
The the group heard the following true illustration:
In Aachen, Germany, police were forced to break up a fight between a husband and wife when the husband, who was seeking an encounter with a prostitute, discovered his wife moonlighting—as a prostitute.
Police didn’t report who was more surprised or dismayed: the husband or the wife.
We discussed the following:
The husband was seeking to commit adultery. The wife was prostituting herself. Both were deeply involved in sin.
Which of them was guilty of committing the “greater” sin? Why do you think that?
Not all sin is as blatant as prostitution or adultery, but all sin, no matter how small, is destructive to our relationship with Christ.
How many of you in here sin? When you think of the sins you tend to commit regularly, is it hard to think of these as destructive? Why or why not? What are some sins that we as a society commit that we tend to be ok with and justify, and how do we justify them?
We discussed that it is easier to point out the specks in other people's eyes rather than notice the plank in our own. That as a society we seem to condone things like war, abundance of wealth without giving to God, etc.
We then discussed if there are always victims with sin.
We then passed out the following verses on sin, although there are plenty more verses about Sin in the Bible, as well as rules/laws/commandments/examples that God has given us to live by. The verses are at the end.
Sin is essentially falling short of what God wants us to do. We sin by doing things that don’t please God, and we sin by not doing things that God wants us to do. Let’s see what the Bible says about this: ( Deuteronomy 25:16; Ephesians 2:1-3; James 1:14-15; 4:17; 1 John 3:4; 5:17 ).
All people in every age have sinned. Because of the sin nature introduced by Adam and Eve, without God’s help no human is able to refrain from sinning. Let’s see what the Bible says about this (See Genesis 3:1-13; 1 Kings 8:46; Job 14:4; Ecclesiastes 7:20; Isaiah 53:6; Romans 3:10-12, 23; 5:12; 1 John 1:8 .)
Sin causes both physical and spiritual death. God’s standard is perfection, and with one single sin we’ve lost all possibility of being perfect. Therefore, we’re cut off from God and destined for spiritual and physical destruction. Let’s see what the Bible says about this (See Genesis 2:17; Isaiah 57:20-21; 59:2; Matthew 5:48; Romans 6:23; Galatians 6:7-8 .)
This was shared from the above of what I found on some definitions of sin:
Both of the concepts that we mentioned earlier, transgressing and missing the mark, involve a basic requirement. If we transgress, which means to cross over a set boundary or limit, then we must have a boundary or limit to cross over. If we miss the mark, we must have a mark, target or standard to miss. Sin, then, is to transgress those boundaries that God has set for us or to miss the target He set for us.
This is where the biblical definitions of sin become important, because these scriptures define the boundaries and standards God set for us. They define the playing field on which we are to live our lives. They also define the goal we are to aim for, the minimum standard we are expected to meet. In other words, the biblical definitions of sin show us the standards God has given us that define what is acceptable to Him and what isn't acceptable. They show us what measures up and what falls short of those standards, the fundamental principles God has given us to live by.
The definitions of sin in the Bible are not simply arbitrary dos and don'ts. Instead, they show us the way God lives. They show the spiritual principles by which He lives, the same standard of conduct He expects His human creations to live by.
So this hasn’t been the most uplifting discussion, and study, but it is important that we address sin and missing the mark. That mark being a life of following Christ. As Mike said in the clip, we are cursed by sin, and we are going to lose. We just can’t win. Sin is something hanging over us always. And as Coach Gaines said: Our only curses are the ones that are self imposed and that we dig our own holes. It is all of our fault for falling into temptation with our decisions in using our free will.
Let’s think about all of that for this week, but know that next week we are going to talk about the Grace that Christ has given us, and the remedy that it is over this curse of sin. Close in prayer then pass out the little target reminders to each of them as a way to remember what we talked about.
Deuteronomy 25:16- But the LORD is disgusted with anyone who cheats or is dishonest.
Ephesians 2:1-3- 1In the past you were dead because you sinned and fought against God. 2You followed the ways of this world and obeyed the devil. He rules the world, and his spirit has power over everyone who doesn't obey God. 3Once we were also ruled by the selfish desires of our bodies and minds. We had made God angry, and we were going to be punished like everyone else.
James 1:14-15- We are tempted by our own desires that drag us off and trap us. 15Our desires make us sin, and when sin is finished with us, it leaves us dead.
James 4:17- If you don't do what you know is right, you have sinned.
1 John 3:4- Everyone who sins breaks God's law, because sin is the same as breaking God's law.
Genesis 3:1-13- The serpent was clever, more clever than any wild animal GOD had made. He spoke to the Woman: "Do I understand that God told you not to eat from any tree in the garden?" 2-3 The Woman said to the serpent, "Not at all. We can eat from the trees in the garden. It's only about the tree in the middle of the garden that God said, 'Don't eat from it; don't even touch it or you'll die.'" 4-5 The serpent told the Woman, "You won't die. God knows that the moment you eat from that tree, you'll see what's really going on. You'll be just like God, knowing everything, ranging all the way from good to evil." 6 When the Woman saw that the tree looked like good eating and realized what she would get out of it—she'd know everything!—she took and ate the fruit and then gave some to her husband, and he ate. 7 Immediately the two of them did "see what's really going on"—saw themselves naked! They sewed fig leaves together as makeshift clothes for themselves. 8 When they heard the sound of GOD strolling in the garden in the evening breeze, the Man and his Wife hid in the trees of the garden, hid from GOD. 9 GOD called to the Man: "Where are you?" 10 He said, "I heard you in the garden and I was afraid because I was naked. And I hid." 11 GOD said, "Who told you you were naked? Did you eat from that tree I told you not to eat from?" 12 The Man said, "The Woman you gave me as a companion, she gave me fruit from the tree, and, yes, I ate it." GOD said to the Woman, "What is this that you've done?" 13 "The serpent seduced me," she said, "and I ate."
1 Kings 8:46- (talking about enemies) When they sin against you—and they certainly will; there's no one without sin!
Job 14:4- There's no way a human can be completely pure.
Ecclesiastes 7:20- There's not one totally good person on earth, not one who is truly pure and sinless.
Isaiah 53:6- We're all like sheep who've wandered off and gotten lost. We've all done our own thing, gone our own way. And God has piled all our sins, everything we've done wrong, on him, on him. (prophesying the Messiah, who is the ‘Him’)
Romans 3:10-12- Basically, all of us, whether insiders or outsiders, start out in identical conditions, which is to say that we all start out as sinners. Scripture leaves no doubt about it: There's nobody living right, not even one, nobody who knows the score, nobody alert for God. They've all taken the wrong turn; they've all wandered down blind alleys. No one's living right; I can't find a single one.
Romans 3:23- All of us have sinned and fallen short of God's glory.
Romans 5:12- You know the story of how Adam landed us in the dilemma we're in— first sin, then death, and no one exempt from either sin or death.
1 John 1:8- If we say that we have not sinned, we are fooling ourselves, and the truth isn't in our hearts.
Genesis 2:17- GOD commanded the Man, "You can eat from any tree in the garden, except from the Tree-of-Knowledge-of-Good-and-Evil. Don't eat from it. The moment you eat from that tree, you're dead."
Isaiah 57:20-21- The wicked are a restless sea tossing up mud. But I, the LORD, have promised that none who are evil will live in peace.
Isaiah 59:2- There's nothing wrong with God; the wrong is in you. Your wrongheaded lives caused the split between you and God. Your sins got between you so that he doesn't hear.
Matthew 5:48- Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
Romans 6:23- Work hard for sin your whole life and your pension is death.
Galatians 6:7-8- Don't be misled: No one makes a fool of God. What a person plants, he will harvest. The person who plants selfishness, ignoring the needs of others—ignoring God!—harvests a crop of weeds. All he'll have to show for his life is weeds! But the one who plants in response to God, letting God's Spirit do the growth work in him, harvests a crop of real life, eternal life.
Friday Night Lights Bible Study on Reputation 9-21-08
For Friday Night Lights. Reputation
Read the following true illustration to your students: An Irish judge has made it official:
Redheads do have quick tempers.
When a redheaded man appeared in Carrick-on-Shannon District Court as a defendant in several public order offenses, Judge Mary Fahy declared him guilty, fined him 225 Irish pounds (about $250 U.S.)—and said she believed his red hair was an indication of his hot temper.
Does this make sense to you? Do you feel this is an accurate perception?
What are the reputations of the following characters in the movie? Boobie Miles-perhaps a jock, natural ability that doesn’t work and doesn’t go to class? Coach Gaines perhaps a man who works hard and tries to do what is right and who cares for and wants the best for his players? Mike Winchell (the QB) perhaps hard working, devoted to his mom, under a lot of pressure due to single mom and some of her unknown issues? Ivory Christian (Defensive player aka Preacher Man. Quiet, silent leader, respected, doesn’t take crap)? Blonde girl at the party with Mike (perhaps promiscuous, popular, pushy)? Don Billingsley (the one that is Tim McGraw’s son-perhaps a partier, promiscuous, acts out due to his father).
Are there any people like this at your school and how would you react/treat them:
How are reputations made?
How does a person's reputation affect how you treat him or her? Why do you think that is?
• Read aloud Proverbs 22:1 “A good reputation and respect are worth much more than silver and gold.” And 1 Tim 3:7 Finally, they must be well-respected by people who are not followers. Then they won't be trapped and disgraced by the devil.
Do you agree with these verses? Why or why not?
• Is it easier to build a good or bad reputation? Explain. Is this fair? Why or why not?
What makes a reputation so precious? How long does it take to gain a reputation? to lose it? to restore it?
• What 's the general reputation of Christians in society today? How does that reputation affect the public perception of Jesus? (Going back to how you would have treated the movie characters if you went to the same school, perhaps that is why Christians are looked at in a certain way as far as our treatment of others.)
• Next, the group wrote down on cards or paper the answers to these questions. 1. How would you describe your own reputation?
2. Do you think your reputation reflects who you really are?
3. If you could choose your reputation, what would it be?
4. If someone in your English class were asked about your reputation, what would they say?
5. Is there a discrepancy between your two answers? If so, why?
The answers were then shared with the group.
* How does your reputation reflect upon God? Why do people project onto God the reputations of his followers? Is this fair? Why or why not?
* Read aloud Acts 5:12-16. “12The apostles worked many miracles and wonders among the people. All of the Lord's followers often met in the part of the temple known as Solomon's Porch. [a] 13No one outside their group dared join them, even though everyone liked them very much. 14Many men and women started having faith in the Lord. 15Then sick people were brought out to the road and placed on cots and mats. It was hoped that Peter would walk by, and his shadow would fall on them and heal them. 16A lot of people living in the towns near Jerusalem brought those who were sick or troubled by evil spirits, and they were all healed.”
What does this say? Sum it up in your own words. How did the disciples gain such a great reputation? Are we able to do something similar today? Why or why not?
* What responsibility do we have in protecting God's reputation?
* If God cared about his reputation, why would God allow us to affect it? What does this tell you about God?
** What one thing could we do as a ministry to increase our reputation? How would doing this thing bring glory to God?
• Can a person have a good reputation and still have fun? Why or why not/how so? Do they know anyone that does?
• Read aloud Ecclesiastes 7:1. 1 A good reputation is better than a fat bank account. Your death date tells more than your birth date.” Why would the writer consider a "good reputation" better than a lot of money? Do you agree? Explain.
• Should we care about what other people see us doing? Why or why not? Who are some people you believe have good reputations? What did they do to gain their reputation?
• What do you believe to be your own reputation? How can you make your own reputation stronger? What can you do to protect it from damage?
How does this apply to your life/what can you take away from this as a teenager? As a guy/girl? As a Christian?
The group closed in Prayer.
Read the following true illustration to your students: An Irish judge has made it official:
Redheads do have quick tempers.
When a redheaded man appeared in Carrick-on-Shannon District Court as a defendant in several public order offenses, Judge Mary Fahy declared him guilty, fined him 225 Irish pounds (about $250 U.S.)—and said she believed his red hair was an indication of his hot temper.
Does this make sense to you? Do you feel this is an accurate perception?
What are the reputations of the following characters in the movie? Boobie Miles-perhaps a jock, natural ability that doesn’t work and doesn’t go to class? Coach Gaines perhaps a man who works hard and tries to do what is right and who cares for and wants the best for his players? Mike Winchell (the QB) perhaps hard working, devoted to his mom, under a lot of pressure due to single mom and some of her unknown issues? Ivory Christian (Defensive player aka Preacher Man. Quiet, silent leader, respected, doesn’t take crap)? Blonde girl at the party with Mike (perhaps promiscuous, popular, pushy)? Don Billingsley (the one that is Tim McGraw’s son-perhaps a partier, promiscuous, acts out due to his father).
Are there any people like this at your school and how would you react/treat them:
How are reputations made?
How does a person's reputation affect how you treat him or her? Why do you think that is?
• Read aloud Proverbs 22:1 “A good reputation and respect are worth much more than silver and gold.” And 1 Tim 3:7 Finally, they must be well-respected by people who are not followers. Then they won't be trapped and disgraced by the devil.
Do you agree with these verses? Why or why not?
• Is it easier to build a good or bad reputation? Explain. Is this fair? Why or why not?
What makes a reputation so precious? How long does it take to gain a reputation? to lose it? to restore it?
• What 's the general reputation of Christians in society today? How does that reputation affect the public perception of Jesus? (Going back to how you would have treated the movie characters if you went to the same school, perhaps that is why Christians are looked at in a certain way as far as our treatment of others.)
• Next, the group wrote down on cards or paper the answers to these questions. 1. How would you describe your own reputation?
2. Do you think your reputation reflects who you really are?
3. If you could choose your reputation, what would it be?
4. If someone in your English class were asked about your reputation, what would they say?
5. Is there a discrepancy between your two answers? If so, why?
The answers were then shared with the group.
* How does your reputation reflect upon God? Why do people project onto God the reputations of his followers? Is this fair? Why or why not?
* Read aloud Acts 5:12-16. “12The apostles worked many miracles and wonders among the people. All of the Lord's followers often met in the part of the temple known as Solomon's Porch. [a] 13No one outside their group dared join them, even though everyone liked them very much. 14Many men and women started having faith in the Lord. 15Then sick people were brought out to the road and placed on cots and mats. It was hoped that Peter would walk by, and his shadow would fall on them and heal them. 16A lot of people living in the towns near Jerusalem brought those who were sick or troubled by evil spirits, and they were all healed.”
What does this say? Sum it up in your own words. How did the disciples gain such a great reputation? Are we able to do something similar today? Why or why not?
* What responsibility do we have in protecting God's reputation?
* If God cared about his reputation, why would God allow us to affect it? What does this tell you about God?
** What one thing could we do as a ministry to increase our reputation? How would doing this thing bring glory to God?
• Can a person have a good reputation and still have fun? Why or why not/how so? Do they know anyone that does?
• Read aloud Ecclesiastes 7:1. 1 A good reputation is better than a fat bank account. Your death date tells more than your birth date.” Why would the writer consider a "good reputation" better than a lot of money? Do you agree? Explain.
• Should we care about what other people see us doing? Why or why not? Who are some people you believe have good reputations? What did they do to gain their reputation?
• What do you believe to be your own reputation? How can you make your own reputation stronger? What can you do to protect it from damage?
How does this apply to your life/what can you take away from this as a teenager? As a guy/girl? As a Christian?
The group closed in Prayer.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
Sunday Night YOUth Bible Life Study 9-14-08
Our Topic for our Bible-Life Study using the movie Friday Night Lights was "What do you live for?"
We began by watching the scene at the Drive In where the guys are talking about their evening plans and going to a party, when a former player came up talking about winning a state championship ring and that being what their goal should be. We also discussed the scene of Boobie Miles in the car with his uncle after his injury, and just the general attitude of the town, families, businessmen, etc.
We discussed: What were these people’s obsession? What do you think about this obsession? Did it not seem like football was what they lived and breathed and that it was their whole world?
We asked the group to think of and share some things they have at home that they cherish greatly.
We did an activity of ranking the values of others as well as the values of the individuals at YOUth, using some of the following questions"
What are other things people value highly?
Are any of these items fundamentally evil? Why?
Are any wrong to value? Why or why not?
The point being that when we put anything before God, regardless even if it is something good, then those things get in the way of our relationship with God. God is what we should cherish and value first. Those things that get ahead of God become idols, much like football seemed to be for the citizens of Odessa.
Some verses on Idols:
Matthew 6:19-21, 24 ("Don't hoard treasure down here where it gets eaten by moths and corroded by rust or—worse!—stolen by burglars. Stockpile treasure in heaven, where it's safe from moth and rust and burglars. It's obvious, isn't it? The place where your treasure is, is the place you will most want to be, and end up being. 24- "You can't worship two gods at once. Loving one god, you'll end up hating the other. Adoration of one feeds contempt for the other. You can't worship God and Money both.) ; and a third to read
Matthew 10:37-39 Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don't deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don't deserve me. "If you don't go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don't deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you'll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you'll find both yourself and me.
We used these verses to discuss:
What are idols?
What the verses say the results of idolatry are?
Why you think God feels so strongly about idols?
The last verse is a tough one, talking about preferring Jesus vs. preferring parents, siblings, or children. What do you think he is getting at with this? Do you think he is saying to not love your parents? What is his point? What do you think about that?
After the discussion we ranked what SHOULD BE the top 6 of the list of things the we valued and what we felt others value. We discussed how it is probably what we think our values should be . . . but was it how we’re living?
We discussed how, in the movie were there other things going on in people’s lives that were probably more important than football that they could have valued more? (Mike’s mom, Coach Gaines’ family, graduating, Boobie and education, Business (all the men that come to the Coach’s office), Billingsley’s relationship with his dad.
We then closed with a self evaluation, with the group closing their eyes listening to the following statements and questions and quietly thinking about them and answering them:
Imagine Jesus Christ is seated in front of you.
What would Jesus say to you about how you use your free time?
What would Christ say your priorities are based on how you spend your pocket money?
What would Christ say about your energy and focus, based on your conversations with your closest friends?
Is there a difference between what you say you value most and how you live?
Are there any idols in your life? If so, how do you feel about that?
Would anything need to change in your life to make God your first priority?
How can you begin to make those changes?
Thursday, May 15, 2008
For the Guys
This is from our Dead Poets Society Bible-Life Study that we finished a few weeks ago I and decided that this is the best way to get these comments, and the ones from the Meand Girls Bible-Life Study out to people. Below are comments that I compiled from asking the following question to guys who are in college or recently out of college, so their perspectives are still fresh. "What do you know now that you wish you new when you were in Jr./Sr. High School. Some of these comments come from former YOUth members here at Lakewood, and some from others that I know. I am not necessarily saying that I fully support some of these statements, but I do feel that it gives a variety of experiences and thoughts, many of which may pertain to some of you. Also, I didn't take the time to correct the grammatical errors. The bold, red numbers indicate a different perspective.
1. Well, I'm not quite sure what I've learned or wish I had known. I do know now that girls will always be girls and that their mood swings and off-the-wall emotional breakdowns will never change. It only gets worse. Also, after being in college for a few years I realized that high school wasn't as bad as I thought it was when it was going on. I sort of regret wishing my high school days away. Don't get me wrong though, high school doesn't compare to college and I wouldn't go back to high school if I had the chance.. but when college starts to get hard don't start to wish your college days away either because one day you will actually have to do something. that's all I have as of right now.
2. I would like to have known that it's okay not to have a definite idea about what God is calling you to do with your life. It can take a while for you to be able to say, "Well, duh! Why didn't I know then that was what I was supposed to do!?!"
3. I don't know really. The thing I think about most now is the difference between the "rules" (use loosely) that really do constrict you and the ones that give you more freedom. I think in Searcy, especially with the Harding entity, there were a lot of things imposed through Church of Christ doctrine that really did hinder freedom, be it within the church or outside, i.e., no music in the church, subordination of women, or the fact that Harding controlled some of the market on what could be shown on television. In my opinion, these "rules" were there to make a specific group of people feel better about their righteousness because they could judge other folks based on them. That sucks.BUT, I've also come to realize now, through my own actions as well as some youth struggles, that the really important things we adhere to are there to keep us more free, whether it be enforcement by the state, parents, or our own desire to not be selfish. If you steal, you will go to jail. If you make a baby, you have to deal with that. If you drink and drive, you might die. All losses of freedom in some way, shape, or form. I think this holds true for things in the church, and it all boils down to people being selfish. The less selfish we are, the more freedom we will have. So the rules we have are there to make us more free than to hinder us.
4. One thing i'd say is to try and be yourself in high school; be an individual and try to find out your character and develope that. We just think high school is something in our way, cliques, and paties, but it's an important time of your life.
5. First and foremost, high school is not the pinnacle in most people's social life. Especially if you go to college. I put more energy than I should've into what people thought about me and my actions. Others that I graduated with, lived their lives by what people thought of them. Don't sell out would be my advice.Secondly, (I figure this should be covered) Masturbation and Pornography. Boom! The two largest downfalls throughout jr high, high school and beyond. 1. Masturbation is a gray area that has no clear guidelines. I use 1 Corinthians 10:23 as my basis for saying if it's right or wrong. Sometimes, yes it's beneficial. I can honestly make that argument. But most of the time, no. 2. Pornography, a simple no. I would say it's easier to overcome it in high school than in college because it's so readily available in college. No parents are going to check your browsing history and your roommate is going to go home for the weekend. I would suggest an accountabiliity program like x3 watch. If you're not familiar with it, it monitors questionable sites and sends an email to your accountability partner listing links to the sites. On both of these issues I had the misconception in high school that I would just grow out of them. The only way that you stop them is to stop them. It takes an actual effort and is not easy. But it can be done.
6. Mostly that the crazy emotions you feel dont really mean jack, except to you. If you dont keep them under control, they can actually mess your life up like what happens to neal or you can hurt people you care about. Focus on what makes you happy. Also, college is way harder than high school, which seems dumb but no one ever believes it.
7. I guess just the fact that it's ok to not follow the crowd. That was something I always knew but some of my friends couldn't resist. Alot of people that I knew decided to "fit in" by falling into temptation and running arond with the wrong people. So in a nut shell just tell them that they should feel good about themselves about standing strong in their values and that they will be able to find friends that share those views as well.
1. Well, I'm not quite sure what I've learned or wish I had known. I do know now that girls will always be girls and that their mood swings and off-the-wall emotional breakdowns will never change. It only gets worse. Also, after being in college for a few years I realized that high school wasn't as bad as I thought it was when it was going on. I sort of regret wishing my high school days away. Don't get me wrong though, high school doesn't compare to college and I wouldn't go back to high school if I had the chance.. but when college starts to get hard don't start to wish your college days away either because one day you will actually have to do something. that's all I have as of right now.
2. I would like to have known that it's okay not to have a definite idea about what God is calling you to do with your life. It can take a while for you to be able to say, "Well, duh! Why didn't I know then that was what I was supposed to do!?!"
3. I don't know really. The thing I think about most now is the difference between the "rules" (use loosely) that really do constrict you and the ones that give you more freedom. I think in Searcy, especially with the Harding entity, there were a lot of things imposed through Church of Christ doctrine that really did hinder freedom, be it within the church or outside, i.e., no music in the church, subordination of women, or the fact that Harding controlled some of the market on what could be shown on television. In my opinion, these "rules" were there to make a specific group of people feel better about their righteousness because they could judge other folks based on them. That sucks.BUT, I've also come to realize now, through my own actions as well as some youth struggles, that the really important things we adhere to are there to keep us more free, whether it be enforcement by the state, parents, or our own desire to not be selfish. If you steal, you will go to jail. If you make a baby, you have to deal with that. If you drink and drive, you might die. All losses of freedom in some way, shape, or form. I think this holds true for things in the church, and it all boils down to people being selfish. The less selfish we are, the more freedom we will have. So the rules we have are there to make us more free than to hinder us.
4. One thing i'd say is to try and be yourself in high school; be an individual and try to find out your character and develope that. We just think high school is something in our way, cliques, and paties, but it's an important time of your life.
5. First and foremost, high school is not the pinnacle in most people's social life. Especially if you go to college. I put more energy than I should've into what people thought about me and my actions. Others that I graduated with, lived their lives by what people thought of them. Don't sell out would be my advice.Secondly, (I figure this should be covered) Masturbation and Pornography. Boom! The two largest downfalls throughout jr high, high school and beyond. 1. Masturbation is a gray area that has no clear guidelines. I use 1 Corinthians 10:23 as my basis for saying if it's right or wrong. Sometimes, yes it's beneficial. I can honestly make that argument. But most of the time, no. 2. Pornography, a simple no. I would say it's easier to overcome it in high school than in college because it's so readily available in college. No parents are going to check your browsing history and your roommate is going to go home for the weekend. I would suggest an accountabiliity program like x3 watch. If you're not familiar with it, it monitors questionable sites and sends an email to your accountability partner listing links to the sites. On both of these issues I had the misconception in high school that I would just grow out of them. The only way that you stop them is to stop them. It takes an actual effort and is not easy. But it can be done.
6. Mostly that the crazy emotions you feel dont really mean jack, except to you. If you dont keep them under control, they can actually mess your life up like what happens to neal or you can hurt people you care about. Focus on what makes you happy. Also, college is way harder than high school, which seems dumb but no one ever believes it.
7. I guess just the fact that it's ok to not follow the crowd. That was something I always knew but some of my friends couldn't resist. Alot of people that I knew decided to "fit in" by falling into temptation and running arond with the wrong people. So in a nut shell just tell them that they should feel good about themselves about standing strong in their values and that they will be able to find friends that share those views as well.
For the Gals
This is from our Mean Girls Bible Study at the beginning of the semester. I wanted to wait and get comments from guys after the Dead Poets Society Bible-Life Study and decided that this is the best way to get them out to people. Below are comments that I compiled from asking the following question to young women who are in college or recently out of college, so their perspectives are still fresh. "What do you know now that you wish you new when you were in Jr./Sr. High School. Some of these comments come from former YOUth members here at Lakewood, and some from others that I know. I am not necessarily saying that I fully support some of these statements, but I do feel that it gives a variety of experiences and thoughts, many of which may pertain to some of you. Also, I didn't take the time to correct the grammatical errors. The bold, red numbers indicate a different perspective.
1. dont get so caught up in the things that only matter right then (styles, fashion, whether or not you have "been with a guy") Fashions of all areas come and goeven though at the time things seems so important....later you will realize no one really cared and the ones who did by this point you will have realized weren't a true friend anyway.don't talk so much and get on the level of some of those that will surround you. what goes around comes around so if they talk bad about someone and you stick up for that person you will see it comes back to you and makes you realize how glad you were you didnt steep to their level.pay attention to those people that you dont "think" notice you. saying hi to those outside your group is one of the best things you can do. everyone notices everyone in HS never be to good to say hi to someone or ask how their day is going. (they mentioned how at the end of the year at graduation how several people that they never hung with wanted to take pics with them and stuff because they had been so nice to them over the yr...and just how good that made you feel)step outside of your comfort box and be the better person in your group that helps that "nerd" who just feel rather than pointing fingers and laughing just b/c everyone else is but wishing inside oyu could help them and not be made fun of. everyone gets the chance to drink alcohol at some point. it doesnt make you any cooler, no matter what you think. and coming from someone who never drank in HS people respected me more for always being true to myself rather than giving into peer pressure. no one makes fun of the person thats willing to drive and save their lives.guys that "all of the sudden" like you when they are drinking....dont really like you. its the alcohol talking....remember that when you think about hooking up with them.....nothing sucks worse than to be the only one that remembers it the next day.never do something with a guy that makes you feel weird. relationships are all about comfort. if you arent comfortable with the person it wont feel right. it doesnt mean somethings wrong with you...it just means you aren't ready...whether that be arent ready for kissing...cuddling...anything.you can use this story as an example if you want i dont care....i had just started "talking" to a guy my sophmore year in HS. he was this hearthrob(older) that everyone talked about so i felt like i was something ...naturally...we had been to a dance together and gone on a few group dates but nothing to serious...halloween that year a girl in my class was having a huge party at her house. her parents were out of town and it was the place to be. everyone was staying the night(girls and guys so we all had to lie to get to go)...there was tons of alcohol(again we are all in HS) .costumes were required..the whole nine yards.all my friends were going and like i said i didnt drink in HS so i knew i wouldnt drink anything but i was still a little nervous just because of the obvious reasons. when we got there he was there and had been drinking a lil at this point but really didnt acknowledge me to much. he asked me later in the night to go with him to the store right up the street.i couldnt say no..he might get mad at me. we went to the store..where he bought alcohol(both of us under 21 remember). on the way home he stopped at this park on the side of the road. it was here that one thing lead to another. i felt weird from the moment we pulled up. we were in a place i wasnt familiar with...in someone elses car....we had never really done anything besides kiss and even those weren't big yet...he turned off the car and just rolled from one thing to another...not giving me any time to say no...i finally realized i was so uncomfortable with the situation that i just kind pulled him away and told him we needed to get back. he tried to ignore me and just kept pushing but i just kinda made some excuse to have to go back (which am sure he knew was exactly that) but he took me back....i ran back and cried for hours in the bathroom with my best friend. i felt so violated. i had never been treated that way before and didnt understand why he went about it like that. ....my friends told me what all friends do...he was drinking he didnt realize it ....tom it will be fine blah blah. but the thing was i had this tearing at my heart. that everything i has just done was nothing i wanted to have done with him at that point in our relationship..and although i didnt sleep with him i wanted everything in between to mean something and not just be steps passed through to try to get to sleeping together faster (which was exactly how he viewed it)..well apparently the alcohol was the only thing that was thinking for him that night. i went back out later and just decided to play cool but keep close to friends there...only to watch him take some other girl out to his car and never come back that night....it just went to show that i knew all along what i wanted...i just wasnt listening to myself because he was that guy everyone wanted to be with. i let all those things happen becuase i knew it was something everyone else wanted so i felt like it was something i had to want as well...but here we are YEARS down the road...and guess what he has 3 children with 3 women and been married twice....so even though i felt stupid for pushing him away that night....sometimes your gut feeling is far better to go with than what others tell you....you make the only decisions that matter in your life...oh and not to mention...guys who dont acknowledge you in public and dont want to meet your friends and family...are after one thing and it isnt to be around long to say the least....guys that care about a girl sincerely care about her interest and want to do anything to get her attention which usually consist of meeting friends and family and maybe youth groups and whatever else... ...that is something i wish i would have realized a lil more in HS. you cant make every guy fit what you are looking for. there are some guys you will meet that you know arent right...trust your gut feeling.
2. I guess some of the most important things I have learned that time does heal all wounds and offering them up to God at that same moment when it seems like the end of the world really does help.Find your true friends and stick to those. True friends are friends who love you for who you are make you feel good about yourself at all times and are honest and kind. I had many people who I thought were going to be lifelong friends only to turn out to be only around when I was happy or when I was only around. I had the experience of going over 300 hundred miles away to college and now even farther away from my best friends. It is the friends that stick by you no matter how far away you are.I used to bully and be bullied in elementary, junior high, and highschool. College I was fortunate enough to be mature enough to stay out of most of those situations. I wish I would of done so all the years. Always treat people the way you want to be treated. And remember what it says about you if you gossip. Others will not trust you and you will have very shallow relationships. Remember more of what is important in life. Identify those things and then do an inventory. Do I have friends that are loyal, make me laugh, are kind, respectful, have little drama (there will always be drama)... do you have friends that listen as much as they talk! Stick to who you are and what you believe. Never fall into the pressures of drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, stealing.... do not do it. They will not only produce enormous guilt they will live with you in your mind and in your heart for a while. I never had anyone tell me ... dont do drugs and dont drink or dont steal- for whatever reasons I knew I did not want to be that person. Stay away from those crowds if you can. Try to not be a jealous person. It leads to so many other things like insecure, low self esteem, lack of confidence. Embrace yourself. If there is something you dont like change it or perfect it. Don't envy others. That is so tough to do but realize that all people have flaws and problems and issues. Yours and yours and theirs are theirs. Embrace yours and become a better person.I have two sisters and one is very introverted and very extroverted. Both are great and have qualities that shine because of the way they are. But yet they both envy each other and it is sad because they both have special talents they are wasting because of the energy they put into wanting each others talents. Last but not least be confident. Always hold your head up high, smile, and be fearless when it comes to meeting new people and keep your heart open to new friends.
3. Girls can be very catty, especially in jr high/high school. At that age it is easier to put someone down for their differences than get to know them and find similarities. I would encourage girls at that age to look deeper than the exterior of a person and get to know them despite the group they hang out with or the clothes they wear.
4. 1. Be yourself. I know this is cliche, but it is so true. Throughout high school and jr. high girls are so obsessed with fitting in that they forget to ask themselves if they really want to. Don't be afraid, as Rach said, to do things your friends aren't doing- but b/c YOU want to.ex: i have always been interested in global health/aids awareness stuff. I didn't have the guts in high school to create a club, or try to get involved with something under this topic b/c i was spending too much time doing pep rally or student council..all good things..but you know. anyway, this year at PSU I found a Globe Med Club that is really awesome. there aren't that many people in it, but it is a great way to meet ppl who care about the same things that you do. i've also learned a great deal about global health and about how i can help out. 2. Have guy friends that aren't boyfriends. I know in junior high this seems sort of goofy b/c girls and boys are just starting to interact..but throughout high school i met several great guys who have become some of my best friends. it is great to talk to them b/c they aren't always wrapped up in drama and usually are pretty funny. I'm so glad I stayed close with my guy friends and didn't always hang out with "the girls" at the mall b/c they have turned out to be some of the most genuine friends i have. 3. I know it is said to not put yourself in atmospheres where you will be pressured to do things. don't go to this and so party b/c there will be drugs and alcohol there...we'll it's OK, you can still go. I have always tried to not judge others based on what they are "known for" and simply by how they interact with me. Just because someone smokes pot, or likes to drink on the weekends doesn't mean they are a horrible person and you should never look at them. All through high school I hung out with people who may have done things I didn't do, but they never pressured me to do it. Even if they do, all you have to do is say no thanks and everything stays the same. You can go to "Justin's party" where everyone from school will be and you don't have to drink. I had more fun watching people, having long conversations with ppl I had never really gotten to know, and just laughing about stupid stuff with kids my age. *Also, when ppl in your class see that you can have just as much fun w/o substances maybe they'll try it one time :) But don't be afraid to be friends with ALL sorts of ppl. My senior class, I think for the most part, was really good about having some big parties where lots of different circles of people came and everyone got along fine. i could go to a party where the IB kids would be in the den talking about T.O.K., the kitchen would be packed with the wild ones doing who knows what, and the quiet girls would be taking goofy pictures outside...everyone still talked with each other and laughed and enjoyed being a part of "our class". 4. Don't feel like you have to have a boyfriend. Boyfriends are great, but you don't have to have one to be cool or have a good time. My entire senior year I was single. I know girls imagine senior year having a steady b/f who picks you up in his convertible...blah blah..my senior year was a blast!! and i didn't so don't fret. I only had one serious relationship throughout high school and yeah it was fun and I learned:-don't be afraid to tell a boy what you are thinking, he is probably thinking the same thing-have fun. don't take it too seriously. you probably aren't going to marry this person, so if you find a flaw-embrace it,-you CAN change a person for the good. my b/f in high school was in to some bad stuff before we were together and i showed him that he didn't need that stuff. *however, don't think that he will change completely...no one does.
5. I guess what I wish I had known maybe just payed more attention to was that it's not worth trying to fit yourself into a clique. Either a) they know that they are the group that everyone wants to be around and hang out with and don't care to be inclusive (in which case don't waste your time they aren't worth it) or b) they are totally oblivious that they are "that group" and just see themselves as a big group of friends and won't think to include you in all their inside jokes and last minute plans and you'll just perpetually feel left out (and trust me that's no fun either). I'm in a sorority at UCA and there are smaller groups of friends within the larger group and there is that one group of girls that are just such good friends that they always have so much fun so everyone wants to be around them. But i started to realize that I was trying to wheedle my way into a tight group of friends that had their own history and jokes and patterns of behavior. I was feeling left out at times because I wasn't letting it be natural. I guess the moral of my story is that even though a group might look like alot of fun and something you would want to be a part of take a step back and make sure it's really a group worth trying for and also if they are even willing to open up their group. Honestly, no friendship that is artificial in the beginning will make it long-term. Only the natural organic friendships ever really make it so don't contrive anything.
6. Umm I guess, one thing would be to not read so much into what others think of you....because at least for me I realized that it was when I wasn't trying to impress others that people would notice me. For Example: If I wore my favorite outfit to school, some people would give me compliments...mostly girls....but it was when I did the most random thing, or wore the most random outfit that several people would actually stop and compliment me for whatever. Um...what else? I guess the old saying..."Just know that someday you will look back on the things you stressed over in highschool and laugh." B/c I know that no matter what age I am I always stress.....I think in jr. high it was more school and then high school it was kind of like the "boy thing" and now it's just making it through the week...haha---gahh I know I sound old and tired....I guess you can tell I've had a rough week....sorry if it affects my comments on this topic.....It's only Tuesday and I just don't understand my life right now. :)----Um, let's see.....I guess another thing would be to not be afraid to do things you didn't do in the past, or things that your friends don't do. Not like bad things like drugs....but for example: I did cheerleading....and none of my friends at the time were involved in it. BUT in the long run I made some great new and different friends in those three years (may have not been my best friends-but I had a larger network senior year)AND THE MORE PEOPLE YOU KNOW WELL YOUR SENIOR YR> OF HIGHS CHOOL, THAT ARE IN YOUR CLASS, THE BETTER!
7. EVERY girl, even the ones that seemed perfect, was fighting some kind of personal battle. Girls that always had to have a boyfriend usually did so because they felt lost/worthless without one. Not every girl that doesn't talk to you is mean, some are just shy and waiting for you to speak first. Just because a girl runs around with a stereotypical group doesn't mean she's that stereotype. A lot of girls put on an act to be accepted instead of being themselves for fear of rejection. NOBODY grows up to be the same person they were in high school. Every girl I know has changed since high school, most of them matured into women I never thought they would be. The drama that goes on in high school between girls is some of the most ridiculous things they will ever experience. At that moment, it seems like their world is falling apart, but they'll end up laughing or forgetting about it completely after high school. The girls who think they own the school, their friends, and the world become nobodies at the bottom of the totem pole once they become freshmen in college. Nobody remembers who went to prom with who, what girls were on homecoming which year, who made out with who, and frankly... nobody cares after high school. Girls are MEAN in high school because they're immature, not because they're better than everyone else. All the girls that the guys wanted to date in high school will either be the firsts to end up pregnant and/or be the ones that the men don't want to marry because of their reputation. Men want to marry the girls that respected themselves. Dating in high school is usually pointless. You may learn a few things from it, but 95% of the time, people never end up marrying the person they dated in high school. The girls you think are your friends in high school may be just that: your friends in high school. After that, you lose contact with most of them. I have friends now that I went to high school with and never spoke a word to during those years because they thought I was a snob since I was on the dance team, or because we ran around with different groups of people. After high school, cliques break apart and everyone becomes an individual. In high school, girls thought they were so cool, so big and grown up, and SO mature. When you get out of high school, you laugh at those girls, not just because they think they know it all and really have no idea, but also because you used to be one of those girls. Nobody remembers your clothes, your hair, how many zits you had that week, what clubs you were in, what you made on a test, whether or not you wore makeup that day... because nobody cares! Girls think everyone notices those things, but usually they're the only ones who notice. High school is like baby boot camp for the real world. The only thing you'll have left from it is your diploma, yearbooks, and embarassing prom pictures.
8. Love. And it's very cliche at this age. Any answer to this question that I can give will not be anything that Junior and Senior High girls haven't heared. I'm a firm believer that cliche things are cliche because they hold truth. But love. Loving people is something I'm genuinely discovering the second semester of my freshman year of college. I always looked at the floor as I moved class to class in high school because I was scared of awkwardly waving at someone and not being seen. Or waving back at someone who was actually acknowledging the person behind me. It's intimidating to be fully aware of the people around you. If you know the person walking next to you in the hallway, stike up a conversation. You know them. You have the same teachers. Be interested in their day. One of my biggest pet peeves is a smile that uses less muscles that the tip of my little finger. Those smiles aren't real. Let the people your smiling at see your teeth. Light up when you see someone. That person that you know the name of and have a couple of classes with but never really considered, they have a life. He or she is a real living and breathing person. Beyond that, they are a human being, worthy to be loved by you, and who is fully and dearly beloved by God. Moral: Light up when you see people. Walk around smiling. You can't do anything going class to class, so why not be fully absorbed in the lives of those around you. Care. And not just people you know. Start with the kids in your first period class. Get to know one thing about their lives. Then move to you next class. Care about people. Love them. Contrary to popular belief, you are your brother's keeper. Other Little Things:Don't call boys. You are worthy to be pursued. Smile at a pretty day. Listen to your parents. Read a lot of books. And yes, there is a type of book that you will like. Cry when you need to. Don't let anyone tell you you're laughing too hard. Put money in the offering plate when it goes by. A penny. A ten dollar bill. Every seven negative things you say to someone is equal to one positive. Tell your parents you love them. Holding hands is okay. Eat chocolate all you want. Get over it, you're skinny. Play outside. Disney movies aren't for babies. Boys are your brothers in Christ, not potential husbands. It doesn't matter where you sit at lunch. You don't know what one kind act will do to the rest of someone's life.And vice versa.
9. 1. Be yourself. It's more important to be happy with who you are than having everyone else happy. 2. It's more important to have a few really good friends that you can turn to no matter what, that know you really well, that you can depend on, than to try and be everyone's friend and get to know everyone. 3. Boys should not be the most important thing in your life. Actually, it's better to not even date, especially long term. Trust me, it just leads to heart-ache and makes you more skeptical about future relationships. Also, who cares how many boys you kiss? The fewer the better... which, unfortunately, is the opposite of what your friends will be telling you. Plus- never get to the point where a boy defines who you are. If he does, you need to examine the relationship. 4. Do what YOU want to do. Don't be so concerned about voicing your opinion on something, because the people you're voicing it to should care and be genuinely interested, and if they're not, then you need to find people that are. 5. It's okay to stay home with your parents on a Friday night and watch movies instead of going out with you friends-- those are the moments you really will remember when you're in college. 6. Forgive your girlfriends when you hear that they talk bad about you, and when you get mad at them, just let it go. Try not to permanently damage your relationship, because in a few years (maybe even weeks) you'll feel stupid for ending that tie, plus you'll really miss them. 7. Most importantly, the drama and the fights, is just high school. In a few years, you'll forget about it all, so don't dwell on who talked bad about who and who kissed who's boyfriend. Trust me, it's all really trivial in the long run, and you'll be significantly happier if you just be a shoulder for your friends to lean on and don't get caught up in the dramatic element of school. Be true to yourself and your friends, and you'll have a lot easier time making friends later because you'll know who you are! 8. Say "no" sometimes. You don't have to be everywhere and do everything for everyone. Do things for yourself!!
10. the thing i wish i could have grasped was that your life is not set. the people and surrounds of your life in highschool are far from permanent. you have the mindset that those people are your "bff4L" (sorry, had to use that lol) and they aren't even close. a few will stand out and make an impact on the rest of your life... but those people come few and far between. my mom would always tell me that but of course i thought she was crazy... now she's one of my best friends.
11 . I was talking with a friend the other day and I think she stole this from some other person's facebook, but she said the opposite of faith isn't doubt; it's control. And I was just thinking that would have been something I would have loved to have heard before I came to college.
1. dont get so caught up in the things that only matter right then (styles, fashion, whether or not you have "been with a guy") Fashions of all areas come and goeven though at the time things seems so important....later you will realize no one really cared and the ones who did by this point you will have realized weren't a true friend anyway.don't talk so much and get on the level of some of those that will surround you. what goes around comes around so if they talk bad about someone and you stick up for that person you will see it comes back to you and makes you realize how glad you were you didnt steep to their level.pay attention to those people that you dont "think" notice you. saying hi to those outside your group is one of the best things you can do. everyone notices everyone in HS never be to good to say hi to someone or ask how their day is going. (they mentioned how at the end of the year at graduation how several people that they never hung with wanted to take pics with them and stuff because they had been so nice to them over the yr...and just how good that made you feel)step outside of your comfort box and be the better person in your group that helps that "nerd" who just feel rather than pointing fingers and laughing just b/c everyone else is but wishing inside oyu could help them and not be made fun of. everyone gets the chance to drink alcohol at some point. it doesnt make you any cooler, no matter what you think. and coming from someone who never drank in HS people respected me more for always being true to myself rather than giving into peer pressure. no one makes fun of the person thats willing to drive and save their lives.guys that "all of the sudden" like you when they are drinking....dont really like you. its the alcohol talking....remember that when you think about hooking up with them.....nothing sucks worse than to be the only one that remembers it the next day.never do something with a guy that makes you feel weird. relationships are all about comfort. if you arent comfortable with the person it wont feel right. it doesnt mean somethings wrong with you...it just means you aren't ready...whether that be arent ready for kissing...cuddling...anything.you can use this story as an example if you want i dont care....i had just started "talking" to a guy my sophmore year in HS. he was this hearthrob(older) that everyone talked about so i felt like i was something ...naturally...we had been to a dance together and gone on a few group dates but nothing to serious...halloween that year a girl in my class was having a huge party at her house. her parents were out of town and it was the place to be. everyone was staying the night(girls and guys so we all had to lie to get to go)...there was tons of alcohol(again we are all in HS) .costumes were required..the whole nine yards.all my friends were going and like i said i didnt drink in HS so i knew i wouldnt drink anything but i was still a little nervous just because of the obvious reasons. when we got there he was there and had been drinking a lil at this point but really didnt acknowledge me to much. he asked me later in the night to go with him to the store right up the street.i couldnt say no..he might get mad at me. we went to the store..where he bought alcohol(both of us under 21 remember). on the way home he stopped at this park on the side of the road. it was here that one thing lead to another. i felt weird from the moment we pulled up. we were in a place i wasnt familiar with...in someone elses car....we had never really done anything besides kiss and even those weren't big yet...he turned off the car and just rolled from one thing to another...not giving me any time to say no...i finally realized i was so uncomfortable with the situation that i just kind pulled him away and told him we needed to get back. he tried to ignore me and just kept pushing but i just kinda made some excuse to have to go back (which am sure he knew was exactly that) but he took me back....i ran back and cried for hours in the bathroom with my best friend. i felt so violated. i had never been treated that way before and didnt understand why he went about it like that. ....my friends told me what all friends do...he was drinking he didnt realize it ....tom it will be fine blah blah. but the thing was i had this tearing at my heart. that everything i has just done was nothing i wanted to have done with him at that point in our relationship..and although i didnt sleep with him i wanted everything in between to mean something and not just be steps passed through to try to get to sleeping together faster (which was exactly how he viewed it)..well apparently the alcohol was the only thing that was thinking for him that night. i went back out later and just decided to play cool but keep close to friends there...only to watch him take some other girl out to his car and never come back that night....it just went to show that i knew all along what i wanted...i just wasnt listening to myself because he was that guy everyone wanted to be with. i let all those things happen becuase i knew it was something everyone else wanted so i felt like it was something i had to want as well...but here we are YEARS down the road...and guess what he has 3 children with 3 women and been married twice....so even though i felt stupid for pushing him away that night....sometimes your gut feeling is far better to go with than what others tell you....you make the only decisions that matter in your life...oh and not to mention...guys who dont acknowledge you in public and dont want to meet your friends and family...are after one thing and it isnt to be around long to say the least....guys that care about a girl sincerely care about her interest and want to do anything to get her attention which usually consist of meeting friends and family and maybe youth groups and whatever else... ...that is something i wish i would have realized a lil more in HS. you cant make every guy fit what you are looking for. there are some guys you will meet that you know arent right...trust your gut feeling.
2. I guess some of the most important things I have learned that time does heal all wounds and offering them up to God at that same moment when it seems like the end of the world really does help.Find your true friends and stick to those. True friends are friends who love you for who you are make you feel good about yourself at all times and are honest and kind. I had many people who I thought were going to be lifelong friends only to turn out to be only around when I was happy or when I was only around. I had the experience of going over 300 hundred miles away to college and now even farther away from my best friends. It is the friends that stick by you no matter how far away you are.I used to bully and be bullied in elementary, junior high, and highschool. College I was fortunate enough to be mature enough to stay out of most of those situations. I wish I would of done so all the years. Always treat people the way you want to be treated. And remember what it says about you if you gossip. Others will not trust you and you will have very shallow relationships. Remember more of what is important in life. Identify those things and then do an inventory. Do I have friends that are loyal, make me laugh, are kind, respectful, have little drama (there will always be drama)... do you have friends that listen as much as they talk! Stick to who you are and what you believe. Never fall into the pressures of drugs, alcohol, sex, violence, stealing.... do not do it. They will not only produce enormous guilt they will live with you in your mind and in your heart for a while. I never had anyone tell me ... dont do drugs and dont drink or dont steal- for whatever reasons I knew I did not want to be that person. Stay away from those crowds if you can. Try to not be a jealous person. It leads to so many other things like insecure, low self esteem, lack of confidence. Embrace yourself. If there is something you dont like change it or perfect it. Don't envy others. That is so tough to do but realize that all people have flaws and problems and issues. Yours and yours and theirs are theirs. Embrace yours and become a better person.I have two sisters and one is very introverted and very extroverted. Both are great and have qualities that shine because of the way they are. But yet they both envy each other and it is sad because they both have special talents they are wasting because of the energy they put into wanting each others talents. Last but not least be confident. Always hold your head up high, smile, and be fearless when it comes to meeting new people and keep your heart open to new friends.
3. Girls can be very catty, especially in jr high/high school. At that age it is easier to put someone down for their differences than get to know them and find similarities. I would encourage girls at that age to look deeper than the exterior of a person and get to know them despite the group they hang out with or the clothes they wear.
4. 1. Be yourself. I know this is cliche, but it is so true. Throughout high school and jr. high girls are so obsessed with fitting in that they forget to ask themselves if they really want to. Don't be afraid, as Rach said, to do things your friends aren't doing- but b/c YOU want to.ex: i have always been interested in global health/aids awareness stuff. I didn't have the guts in high school to create a club, or try to get involved with something under this topic b/c i was spending too much time doing pep rally or student council..all good things..but you know. anyway, this year at PSU I found a Globe Med Club that is really awesome. there aren't that many people in it, but it is a great way to meet ppl who care about the same things that you do. i've also learned a great deal about global health and about how i can help out. 2. Have guy friends that aren't boyfriends. I know in junior high this seems sort of goofy b/c girls and boys are just starting to interact..but throughout high school i met several great guys who have become some of my best friends. it is great to talk to them b/c they aren't always wrapped up in drama and usually are pretty funny. I'm so glad I stayed close with my guy friends and didn't always hang out with "the girls" at the mall b/c they have turned out to be some of the most genuine friends i have. 3. I know it is said to not put yourself in atmospheres where you will be pressured to do things. don't go to this and so party b/c there will be drugs and alcohol there...we'll it's OK, you can still go. I have always tried to not judge others based on what they are "known for" and simply by how they interact with me. Just because someone smokes pot, or likes to drink on the weekends doesn't mean they are a horrible person and you should never look at them. All through high school I hung out with people who may have done things I didn't do, but they never pressured me to do it. Even if they do, all you have to do is say no thanks and everything stays the same. You can go to "Justin's party" where everyone from school will be and you don't have to drink. I had more fun watching people, having long conversations with ppl I had never really gotten to know, and just laughing about stupid stuff with kids my age. *Also, when ppl in your class see that you can have just as much fun w/o substances maybe they'll try it one time :) But don't be afraid to be friends with ALL sorts of ppl. My senior class, I think for the most part, was really good about having some big parties where lots of different circles of people came and everyone got along fine. i could go to a party where the IB kids would be in the den talking about T.O.K., the kitchen would be packed with the wild ones doing who knows what, and the quiet girls would be taking goofy pictures outside...everyone still talked with each other and laughed and enjoyed being a part of "our class". 4. Don't feel like you have to have a boyfriend. Boyfriends are great, but you don't have to have one to be cool or have a good time. My entire senior year I was single. I know girls imagine senior year having a steady b/f who picks you up in his convertible...blah blah..my senior year was a blast!! and i didn't so don't fret. I only had one serious relationship throughout high school and yeah it was fun and I learned:-don't be afraid to tell a boy what you are thinking, he is probably thinking the same thing-have fun. don't take it too seriously. you probably aren't going to marry this person, so if you find a flaw-embrace it,-you CAN change a person for the good. my b/f in high school was in to some bad stuff before we were together and i showed him that he didn't need that stuff. *however, don't think that he will change completely...no one does.
5. I guess what I wish I had known maybe just payed more attention to was that it's not worth trying to fit yourself into a clique. Either a) they know that they are the group that everyone wants to be around and hang out with and don't care to be inclusive (in which case don't waste your time they aren't worth it) or b) they are totally oblivious that they are "that group" and just see themselves as a big group of friends and won't think to include you in all their inside jokes and last minute plans and you'll just perpetually feel left out (and trust me that's no fun either). I'm in a sorority at UCA and there are smaller groups of friends within the larger group and there is that one group of girls that are just such good friends that they always have so much fun so everyone wants to be around them. But i started to realize that I was trying to wheedle my way into a tight group of friends that had their own history and jokes and patterns of behavior. I was feeling left out at times because I wasn't letting it be natural. I guess the moral of my story is that even though a group might look like alot of fun and something you would want to be a part of take a step back and make sure it's really a group worth trying for and also if they are even willing to open up their group. Honestly, no friendship that is artificial in the beginning will make it long-term. Only the natural organic friendships ever really make it so don't contrive anything.
6. Umm I guess, one thing would be to not read so much into what others think of you....because at least for me I realized that it was when I wasn't trying to impress others that people would notice me. For Example: If I wore my favorite outfit to school, some people would give me compliments...mostly girls....but it was when I did the most random thing, or wore the most random outfit that several people would actually stop and compliment me for whatever. Um...what else? I guess the old saying..."Just know that someday you will look back on the things you stressed over in highschool and laugh." B/c I know that no matter what age I am I always stress.....I think in jr. high it was more school and then high school it was kind of like the "boy thing" and now it's just making it through the week...haha---gahh I know I sound old and tired....I guess you can tell I've had a rough week....sorry if it affects my comments on this topic.....It's only Tuesday and I just don't understand my life right now. :)----Um, let's see.....I guess another thing would be to not be afraid to do things you didn't do in the past, or things that your friends don't do. Not like bad things like drugs....but for example: I did cheerleading....and none of my friends at the time were involved in it. BUT in the long run I made some great new and different friends in those three years (may have not been my best friends-but I had a larger network senior year)AND THE MORE PEOPLE YOU KNOW WELL YOUR SENIOR YR> OF HIGHS CHOOL, THAT ARE IN YOUR CLASS, THE BETTER!
7. EVERY girl, even the ones that seemed perfect, was fighting some kind of personal battle. Girls that always had to have a boyfriend usually did so because they felt lost/worthless without one. Not every girl that doesn't talk to you is mean, some are just shy and waiting for you to speak first. Just because a girl runs around with a stereotypical group doesn't mean she's that stereotype. A lot of girls put on an act to be accepted instead of being themselves for fear of rejection. NOBODY grows up to be the same person they were in high school. Every girl I know has changed since high school, most of them matured into women I never thought they would be. The drama that goes on in high school between girls is some of the most ridiculous things they will ever experience. At that moment, it seems like their world is falling apart, but they'll end up laughing or forgetting about it completely after high school. The girls who think they own the school, their friends, and the world become nobodies at the bottom of the totem pole once they become freshmen in college. Nobody remembers who went to prom with who, what girls were on homecoming which year, who made out with who, and frankly... nobody cares after high school. Girls are MEAN in high school because they're immature, not because they're better than everyone else. All the girls that the guys wanted to date in high school will either be the firsts to end up pregnant and/or be the ones that the men don't want to marry because of their reputation. Men want to marry the girls that respected themselves. Dating in high school is usually pointless. You may learn a few things from it, but 95% of the time, people never end up marrying the person they dated in high school. The girls you think are your friends in high school may be just that: your friends in high school. After that, you lose contact with most of them. I have friends now that I went to high school with and never spoke a word to during those years because they thought I was a snob since I was on the dance team, or because we ran around with different groups of people. After high school, cliques break apart and everyone becomes an individual. In high school, girls thought they were so cool, so big and grown up, and SO mature. When you get out of high school, you laugh at those girls, not just because they think they know it all and really have no idea, but also because you used to be one of those girls. Nobody remembers your clothes, your hair, how many zits you had that week, what clubs you were in, what you made on a test, whether or not you wore makeup that day... because nobody cares! Girls think everyone notices those things, but usually they're the only ones who notice. High school is like baby boot camp for the real world. The only thing you'll have left from it is your diploma, yearbooks, and embarassing prom pictures.
8. Love. And it's very cliche at this age. Any answer to this question that I can give will not be anything that Junior and Senior High girls haven't heared. I'm a firm believer that cliche things are cliche because they hold truth. But love. Loving people is something I'm genuinely discovering the second semester of my freshman year of college. I always looked at the floor as I moved class to class in high school because I was scared of awkwardly waving at someone and not being seen. Or waving back at someone who was actually acknowledging the person behind me. It's intimidating to be fully aware of the people around you. If you know the person walking next to you in the hallway, stike up a conversation. You know them. You have the same teachers. Be interested in their day. One of my biggest pet peeves is a smile that uses less muscles that the tip of my little finger. Those smiles aren't real. Let the people your smiling at see your teeth. Light up when you see someone. That person that you know the name of and have a couple of classes with but never really considered, they have a life. He or she is a real living and breathing person. Beyond that, they are a human being, worthy to be loved by you, and who is fully and dearly beloved by God. Moral: Light up when you see people. Walk around smiling. You can't do anything going class to class, so why not be fully absorbed in the lives of those around you. Care. And not just people you know. Start with the kids in your first period class. Get to know one thing about their lives. Then move to you next class. Care about people. Love them. Contrary to popular belief, you are your brother's keeper. Other Little Things:Don't call boys. You are worthy to be pursued. Smile at a pretty day. Listen to your parents. Read a lot of books. And yes, there is a type of book that you will like. Cry when you need to. Don't let anyone tell you you're laughing too hard. Put money in the offering plate when it goes by. A penny. A ten dollar bill. Every seven negative things you say to someone is equal to one positive. Tell your parents you love them. Holding hands is okay. Eat chocolate all you want. Get over it, you're skinny. Play outside. Disney movies aren't for babies. Boys are your brothers in Christ, not potential husbands. It doesn't matter where you sit at lunch. You don't know what one kind act will do to the rest of someone's life.And vice versa.
9. 1. Be yourself. It's more important to be happy with who you are than having everyone else happy. 2. It's more important to have a few really good friends that you can turn to no matter what, that know you really well, that you can depend on, than to try and be everyone's friend and get to know everyone. 3. Boys should not be the most important thing in your life. Actually, it's better to not even date, especially long term. Trust me, it just leads to heart-ache and makes you more skeptical about future relationships. Also, who cares how many boys you kiss? The fewer the better... which, unfortunately, is the opposite of what your friends will be telling you. Plus- never get to the point where a boy defines who you are. If he does, you need to examine the relationship. 4. Do what YOU want to do. Don't be so concerned about voicing your opinion on something, because the people you're voicing it to should care and be genuinely interested, and if they're not, then you need to find people that are. 5. It's okay to stay home with your parents on a Friday night and watch movies instead of going out with you friends-- those are the moments you really will remember when you're in college. 6. Forgive your girlfriends when you hear that they talk bad about you, and when you get mad at them, just let it go. Try not to permanently damage your relationship, because in a few years (maybe even weeks) you'll feel stupid for ending that tie, plus you'll really miss them. 7. Most importantly, the drama and the fights, is just high school. In a few years, you'll forget about it all, so don't dwell on who talked bad about who and who kissed who's boyfriend. Trust me, it's all really trivial in the long run, and you'll be significantly happier if you just be a shoulder for your friends to lean on and don't get caught up in the dramatic element of school. Be true to yourself and your friends, and you'll have a lot easier time making friends later because you'll know who you are! 8. Say "no" sometimes. You don't have to be everywhere and do everything for everyone. Do things for yourself!!
10. the thing i wish i could have grasped was that your life is not set. the people and surrounds of your life in highschool are far from permanent. you have the mindset that those people are your "bff4L" (sorry, had to use that lol) and they aren't even close. a few will stand out and make an impact on the rest of your life... but those people come few and far between. my mom would always tell me that but of course i thought she was crazy... now she's one of my best friends.
11 . I was talking with a friend the other day and I think she stole this from some other person's facebook, but she said the opposite of faith isn't doubt; it's control. And I was just thinking that would have been something I would have loved to have heard before I came to college.
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